Forgiveness and Reconciliation  

Order of Service - Script 

for Sunday  March 20, 2022

Forgiveness and reconciliation are vital in any relationship. Forgiveness and reconciliation do not include permission to cause harm again. 

NIUU, Leslie Watson, Pastor Fred 

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Opening Music: 

Carmina Burana - O Fortuna 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXFSK0ogeg4

Announcements

Welcome: 

The Rev. Dr. Susan Frederick-Gray is president of the Unitarian Universalist Association (of congregations). 

As such she is the closest person we have to church-wide pastor, in other words, a bishop. Her words often bring us hope in difficult times. 

In this call to worship from Side With Love’s 30 Days of Love Sunday worship service, Rev. Susan Frederick-Gray affirms, “However you come to the work of being human right now, as you are willing and able, I invite you to bring your spirit. Lean into the power and strength of your wider faith community. You are welcome here. You are precious.”

Come into this circle of love and compassion,

Come into this community where we can dream and

Believe in those dreams—

Welcome to North Idaho Unitarian Universalists where we accept, we support, we transform:  Ourselves, Our Community. Our world.   

Offering Information 

Charity of the Month: CdAide

"CDAIDE serves Coeur d’Alene-area hospitality workers by meeting their immediate needs, connecting them with resources for longer term self-sufficiency, and ensuring they feel valued, respected, and loved."

NIUU

P.O. Box 221

CDA ID 83816

Lighting the Chalice: 

We light the chalice, symbol of our UU faith, 

  remembering the promise of hope 

    in all our relationships, 

      among the nations of the world 

        and even in our own hearts and minds. 

So let it be. 

Leslie - Opening Words: 

Finding Our Way

By Kristin Grassel Schmidt

(altered to fit the present situation) 

[January 13, 2021]

“I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be, and I am not the man I hope to be, but by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be.”

—John Newton, author of the words to the hymn “Amazing Grace”

It’s been tough to make sense of [the conflict and the war crimes in Ukraine], let alone what we’ll be called to do in its aftermath. Many leaders will call for healing, forgiveness, and unity. Now, I believe in forgiveness, and I very much want healing and unity for this world. But none of those things is possible without repentance, accountability, and a full reckoning of wrongs done.

Here’s a deep truth: it is only through real, sometimes very tough accountability that some people will understand that they’ve lost their way. Being held accountable has helped me to learn, and to be and do better, so why would I hold that blessing back from others? Sometimes helping people find their way to truth, love, and justice means insisting that truth is truth—even if it isn’t polite; even if it leads to argument. We may even need to say “I love you, but I will never agree to disagree on this. Truth is too important to set aside just because it challenges and upset you.”

Holding people accountable for the impact of their behavior is not revenge; it’s what makes change and growth possible, and no real healing in community can come without it.

While I don’t believe we’re called to seek unity with those who committed acts of insurrection and violence, we are absolutely called to continue affirming the fullness of their humanity. Wanting people to be held legally accountable for harmful behavior does not mean we can’t insist that society provide for their basic needs, just as it should provide for the basic needs of us all. Even the most despicable people are still human beings, and are deserving of care. Even those who have committed grievous acts have the capacity to grow, to learn, to experience a change of heart.

This is why there’s nothing we can do that will separate us from the love that holds us. This is why there is nothing we can fail to do that will make us unworthy, or blot out our dignity.

Prayer

Like the shepherd who leaves a large flock to go in search of a single lost sheep, may we never lose faith in the human capacity to someday, somehow find right relationship again, no matter how lost we might get. Amen. 

Hymn #205: 

"Amazing Grace" - a non-denominational version, 

                     based on UU principles  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2CqjqPI4DY

Covenant: 

Love is the spirit of this church, and service its law

This is our great covenant:

To dwell together in peace,

To seek truth in love,

And to help one another. 

Meet and Greet / Check-in  / Joys and Concerns /  Sharing

Story: 

The Parable of the Prodigal Son 

Luke 15:1-32 (NRSV)

11 Then Jesus said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger of them said to his father, 

‘Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.’ So he divided his property between them. 

13 A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, 

and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. 

14 When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. 

15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. 

16 He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. 

17 But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 

18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 

19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.”’ 

20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; 

he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. 

21 Then the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 

22 But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; 

put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 

23 And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; 

24 for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ And they began to celebrate. 

25 “Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. 

26 He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. 

27 He replied, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.’ 

28 Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. 

29 But he answered his father, ‘Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, 

and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. 

30 But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!’ 

31 Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. 

32 But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.’”

 

Meditation: 

I found a mantra that is perfect for us. 

    It applies to everything 

      we are hoping to do: 

        -> to reopening, 

        -> to sharing with other UU's 

        -> to a renewed website, and 

        -> to expanding our cadre of worship leaders 

In an entirely different realm, 

  it even applies to the tragic conflict 

    unfolding in Europe. 

So please relax a moment, 

  and take these words to heart 

    as I speak them three times: 

When you bring peace to your past, 

  you can move forward to your future. 

X3

So let it be. 

  Blessed be. 

And now some music 

  to add to our meditation, 

Carmina Burana - Swan: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCSGUdA7A-I

Sermon: 

I feel the need to preach about 

  forgiveness and reconciliation today 

    for a number of reasons. 

First of all, 

  without both forgiveness and reconciliation, 

    none of us can sustain good relationships. 

Sustaining good relationships 

  is most important in our time 

    within all kinds of relationships: 

In families: 

  Married couples 

    Parents and children 

      Brothers and sisters 

Among neighbors 

  and communities - within and among

    Churches, congregations, and faith communities 

      Religious people 

In and between towns and cities 

  Among Oblasts (administrative districts) 

Between Nations 

Maybe (probably?) among Planets and Solar Systems 

Etc. (Much Etc.) 

Second, we are now in Lent

  and next Sunday is the Fourth Sunday in Lent. 

As I've mentioned before, 

  the word, Lent, comes from the Anglo-Saxon word, 

    Lengten, as the days lengthen. 

As of this morning, 

  the days have lengthened enough 

    that we have reached the Equinox, 

      so today is the day on which 

        daylight and dark of night 

          are approximately equal. 

Third, conditions in the world all around us 

  call upon us to focus on possibilities 

    for reconciliation. 

Within our own nation, 

  the insurrection of 2020 is an obvious example. 

Considering the need 

  of forgiveness between nations, 

    Ukraine would have to forgive the U.S. 

      for not providing the help 

        that they consider essential, 

          for not "closing the sky." 

On the other hand, 

  in his monumental address 

    to the U.S. Congress, last Wednesday

      President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine 

        said first and foremost, "Thank you," to the U.S. 

There is always need for reconciliation 

  in all kinds of relationships 

    because, "Nobody's perfect." 

We always have to make adjustments 

  in our expectations 

    and to make room for each other in our lives, 

      in almost all relationships - and the lack thereof. 

There will always be people 

  we simply cannot get along with. 

There will always be people with whom 

  we will disagree about almost everything. 

At the same time, 

  we don't have to be disagreeable 

    toward each other. 

Even when we lose control 

  over our thoughts, words, or actions, 

    it's still possible to recover some measure 

      of relationship 

        so that conflict isn't constant. 

At that point, forgiveness and reconciliation 

  are the order of the hour, 

    usually in both directions. 

Another word for reconciliation would be healing. 

When we speak of forgiveness 

  in the context of relationships, 

    the single most important thing to be said 

      is that forgiveness does not mean or imply 

        that any kind of permission is given 

          to continue to hurt or cause harm. 

Unless the harm stops, 

  forgiveness and reconciliation 

    are simply impossible. 

Healing is the goal of forgiveness and reconciliation. 

When both parties to a relationship can agree 

  to stop behaviors that are causing harm 

    and brokenness in the relationship, 

      then forgiveness can be given in both directions. 

At that point healing can begin. 

When hurts can begin to be healed, 

  conflict and disagreeable relationships 

    can cease to be the order of the hour. 

If we speak of the order of the hour, 

  we may want to remember that next Sunday is 

    the Fourth Sunday in Lent. 

The Gospel lesson for that day in the RCL 

  is the parable of the Prodigal Son. 

Although I had not thought about the connection 

  when I planned the theme for today's service, 

    the parable is all about forgiveness 

      on more than one level. 

In fact, the whole season of Lent 

  is about forgiveness and reconciliation. 

In the Parable of the Prodigal Son (and father, too) 

  we recognize the pattern of forgiveness 

    and reconciliation. 

The son comes to his senses, to himself, 

  and realizes what he has done. 

He returns to his father, 

  as his father had so dearly wished and hoped, 

    and so a door was opened 

      for reconciliation between them. 

The father forgave his son 

  long before there was any possibility 

    of reconciliation, 

      but only the son's return 

        made a restored relationship possible. 

The usual religious pattern 

  is to proclaim requirements 

    before forgiveness can be given. 

My experience is somewhat different. 

I know from my own life 

  that it is possible to forgive someone 

    or to be forgiven unconditionally. 

They may or or may not accept it. 

They may or may not acknowledge that they need it. 

Those decisions on the part of others 

  make no difference at all regarding 

    what goes on inside of each of us. 

Forgiveness is more than a feeling. 

It is an action of letting go. 

Someone may have harmed me in some way, 

  large or small, 

    but I don't have to hold on to the experience. 

If I do hold on, 

  I give power to the other person 

    and to whatever harm they may have done. 

If I truly let go, 

  simply let go, 

    the harm is not necessarily cured, 

      but it does not continue, 

        it does not go on and on. 

Reconciliation is a different matter. 

If I forgive someone, 

  reconciliation is possible, 

    but it is not assured. 

Forgiveness does not have to be accepted, 

  but it if is accepted, a relationship may be restored. 

If forgiveness is not accepted, 

  the relationship may remain broken. 

At this point the entire experience 

  becomes a lot more complicated. 

I am not perfect, 

  and the person I have forgiven is not perfect, either. 

We have to admit that reality 

  for forgiveness and reconciliation to be possible. 

I have to admit that I may be at least in part to blame 

  for the problems in a relationship. 

The other person may need to admit 

  the same reality 

    if forgiveness is to do its healing work 

      and if the healing necessary for reconciliation 

        to take place. 

Forgiveness and reconciliation 

  become even more complicated 

    when there are more than two people involved. 

Sometimes whole families are part of the picture. 

Sometimes even more people need 

  to give and receive forgiveness and reconciliation. 

There are whole tribes and nations involved 

  a lot of the time. 

Following many wars, 

  new beginnings have been possible among people 

    of different backgrounds. 

Sometimes those new beginnings 

  are simply too difficult, 

    and unresolved issues lead to new wars. 

The end of World War 1 

  and the start of World War 2 was like that. 

We do not yet see the end of the horrors 

  of the current war in Eastern Europe. 

We have high hopes 

  that it will not spread to the whole world, 

    but if we are honest, we simply have to admit 

      that we do not yet know. 

Even in our own country, 

  the divisions that caused the insurrection 

    of January 6, 2020 

      still remain in many ways 

        and will call us all to participate 

          in forgiveness and reconciliation. 

The current crisis in world affairs 

  has drawn us together in remarkable ways, 

    within our own nation and between nations.

The universal danger 

  has led us to set aside many of our differences, 

    at least for a time. 

I have high hopes 

  that the experience of coming together 

    will lead us to see ourselves 

      as a single nation once again. 

We can begin again to recognize 

  that the things we share in common 

    far outweigh the things that divide us. 

Ultimately we will have to recognize this reality 

  as inhabitants of a single endangered planet. 

The planet itself may not be in danger, 

  but because of rapidly advancing climate change, 

    our own place in the life and future of the planet 

      may be in much more danger 

        than we are willing to see or acknowledge. 

Basic to the whole process of forgiveness 

  and reconciliation 

    is learning to forgive ourselves 

      and reconciling the various aspects 

        of our own personalities among themselves. 

As our recent, amazingly wonderful, presentation 

  on self-compassion taught us (or tried to teach us!), 

    compassion (and forgiveness and reconciliation) 

      begins at home - the closest home of all - 

        within ourselves. 

So the three reasons I have felt the need to preach 

  about the good news 

    of forgiveness and reconciliation 

      have been: 

In our relationships, 

  even within ourselves,

In this Lengten (that is, Lenten) Season, 

  along with the Prodigal Son (and Father), 

And in the relationships among parties to war 

  (or special military operations...). 

    [Please notice the tongue-in-cheek here.]

When we experience forgiveness and reconciliation 

  in all areas of our lives and experiences, 

    we can truly live in peace: 

      within ourselves, 

        among our people, 

          and in our whole world. 

Amen. 

So let it be. 

Blessed be! 

Congregational Response 

Extinguishing the Chalice : 

As we extinguish the chalice 

  and take its flame into our hearts, 

    we draw hope from the possibility 

      of forgiveness: 

For and within ourselves, for each other, 

  and in every area of our lives. 

So let it be. 

Leslie - Closing words: 

from Marjorie Newlin Leaming 

Let us go forth into the world through a door of hope for the future, remembering these words by Martin Luther:

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."