Parenting

Parenting is a verb. No one does it perfectly. We all parent each other and we are all parented. We children remember more about how effectively we are loved than anything else.


By now, I suspect that nobody who knows me
  will be surprised to hear me say
    that I love to play with words.

That has generally worked out well in my career:
  Word craft is an important part of preaching,
    and preaching is an important part of ministry.

One of my favorite ways to play with words
  is to learn about their history and origin,
    their etymology, if you will.

The word for today is the title of today's sermon:
  parenting.

Our own English word, "parent",
  has the same root in the history of language
    as many of the words for father.

In Spanish [my second language]
  the word for father and parent is the same,
    padre.

From both parent and padre
  we can at least sense the Latin root for both,
    pater. [as in pater familias]

Pater is the parent word, so to speak,
  for a great many other words and concepts:
    patriarch and patriarchy,
      paternal and paternalism,
        patriot and patriotism
          are just a few examples.

We are all parented, with parent as a verb,
  in many ways,
    and some of those ways are represented
      by my examples of the words we use
        that come to us from the Latin word, pater.

My examples are basically negative, so far,
  at least as far as I'm concerned:
    patriarch and patriarchy,
      paternal and paternalism,
        patriot and patriotism.

A patriarch and the patriarchy he rules
  are a way humans have used
    to lord it over each other, so to speak.

A paternal person who acts with paternalism
  is generally not someone to whom
    I would want to subject myself in any way.

A patriot and patriotism are not as negative
  as some of the other examples,
    but I am not able to view either one postitively,
      at least not at this time in my life
        or our country's life.

There have been a few times in my life in which
  I have been able to experience
    positive feelings of patriotism,
      at least for short periods of time,
        but now is not one of them.

When I was in college in the late 60's and early 70's,
  I saw a poster that represented my feelings well
    at that time.

The poster listed many of the things
  that were going on in the country at the time,
    many of which are still going on today:
      racism and white supremacy,
        war and the profiteering that goes with it,
          disrespect for those being forced to wage war,
            and a federal government seemingly
              unconcerned with the needs of the people.

There were also positive things listed on the poster,
  like our freedoms and traditions of the rule of law
    and ideals more honored in the breach
      than the observance
        like liberty and justice for all.

Then there was a statement
  that summarized my feelings at the time
    very well indeed:

"I am proud.
  I am ashamed.
  I am an American."

Add the word, embarrassed,
  and it will summarize my feelings today.

Our leading the world in the spread
  of the corona virus pandemic
    is a source of embarrassment.

I do still care about the country,
  and I do still have hope for better days.

I remember the saying,
  "My country, right or wrong."

I learned in my younger years that the saying
  has an even more important second half:

"When right to keep it right,
  when wrong to make it right."

One of my contemporaries was told the statement
  by one of his elders, probably someone
    the age I am now:

"My country right or wrong!"
  the elder said.

The younger person said,
"Please remember the other half of the quote:
When right to keep it right,
  when wrong to make it right."

The younger person,
  my contemporary at the time
    was then called a traitor.

It is not difficult for me to imagine
  a similar interaction happening in our own time.

Loyalty and love of country
  need not blind us to its faults.

It saddens many of us
  that we haven't made more progress
    since those bad old days.

I have some of the same feelings
  about our own beloved UUA:
    when right to keep it right,
      when wrong to make it right.

Without going into too much detail,
  I want to mention that we seem to be in a time
    of paternalism within the UUA.

Our neighboring congregation, UUCS,
  is going through some very unnecessary agony.

Their loved and respected minister, Tod Eklof,
  has been removed from ministry fellowship
    by the UUA
      for being a gadfly (his word)
        in the face of the political correctness
          being enforced by the UUA in many places,
            in many ways and on many levels.

There have undoubtedly been mistakes made
  on both sides
    in this sad and unnecessary controversy,
      but paternalism
        has only made the problem worse
          in my humble opinion.

At least, because our church body
  is strictly congregational,
    the UUCS will not lose their minister.

I still love my country and my church,
  and I love them both enough to say,
    when right to keep it right,
      when wrong to make it right,
        and I do not believe that I'm being disloyal
          in saying those words regarding either one.

To try to correct wrongs
  is something we all have to do
    all through our lives.

It's part of parenting,
  whether we are parenting ourselves,
    our children,
      our peers,
        or our institutions.

It can be done with love.

The bottom line,
  the most important thing,
    is love.

It can be done out of the desire to protect 
  the beloved child,
    the beloved community,
      or the beloved nation.

Our hymn, the traditional "All Through the Night,"
  beautifully expresses the love and the desire
    to protect the beloved.

The desire to protect is at the heart
  of much positive parenting,
    even if that desire has to be carried out
      in caring for ourselves and those around us
        as adults.

It is the difference between parenting
 and paternalism,
   the difference between love and control.

In our times,
  the positive form of parenting is most needed
    just when there appears to be a dearth of it
      in public life.

What can we do about that?

We can reach deeply into our own hearts and souls,
  seeking to bring out the love that is there
    for each and every one of us.

It's not just the words that are important here,
  as much as I love to play with words,
    and it's not just the feelings.

It's also our actions
  as we do the things we know are right
    for each other.

Wearing masks will be an excellent start.

Not everyone will do it,
  but if enough of us do so,
    lives will be saved.

Staying home when we can will help.

It's not unlike a loving parent
  stopping a toddler
    before she or he runs out into a busy street.

Encouraging better thinking and acting 
  regarding the dangers of our time will help, too,
    but there is no use in antagonizing people
      whose minds are not open to persuasion.

There is no use in wasting energy or breath
  - especially in our time .

It saddens me deeply that we cannot 
  be together physically today,
    that we cannot
      share music by singing together,

But if that is the price of survival
  especially for those
    who are most vulnerable among us,

then positive parenting of each other
  will enable it.

It's basically caring -
  giving and receiving of care - and love
    to and from people of all ages.

As the saying goes,
  "It's never too late to have a happy childhood!"

And we can help provide it for each other!

Amen.

So let it be.

Blessed be!